Why Do I Obsess Over Someone Not Great? Limerence Explained

What it is

I used to think my obsession was a sign of deep love, but it was actually limerence, an involuntary, addictive loop that hijacks my brain. It’s not about the person being great; it’s about the fantasy I built around them, chasing a dopamine hit from every crumb of attention. This isn’t a character flaw, just a pattern my mind fell into, often rooted in old attachment wounds or unmet needs. Learn more about what limerence actually is.

When I fixate on someone not great, I’m not seeing them clearly. I’m hooked on the hope, the mixed signals, the what-ifs. My brain interprets their indifference as a puzzle to solve, fueling obsessive thoughts that crowd out real life. It’s like an addiction, the more unavailable they are, the stronger the craving gets. Take our free Limerence Score test to see where you stand.

This loop thrives on uncertainty. I’d replay every interaction, searching for hidden meaning, convinced that if I just tried harder, they’d finally choose me. But that’s the trap: the fantasy is always better than the reality, and the person I’m obsessing over is just a placeholder for something I’m missing in myself.

Does it actually work?

I know how it feels to be trapped in a loop of obsessive thoughts about someone who isn't right for you. The constant mental replay, the hope that a breadcrumb means more, the shame of knowing it's irrational yet feeling powerless to stop. Many of us hit a point where we'd try anything, even hypnotherapy, just to get some relief.

From what I've seen in the community, people turn to hypnotherapy as a last resort when nothing else has worked. One person on r/limerence said, "I'm literally looking into hypnotherapy now as a last resort." The idea is that hypnosis can access the subconscious patterns driving the limerence, like anxious attachment or trauma bonds, and help rewire them. But does it actually deliver?

Here's the honest truth: there are no hard success rates or clinical studies I can point to. No one in the 60 real discussions I reviewed reported a clear outcome from hypnotherapy. Some mentioned considering it, but none came back to say it helped them. That doesn't mean it can't help, but it does mean we're in uncharted territory. If you're curious about what limerence really is, check out what limerence actually is.

What I do see is that people who break free often do so through a combination of understanding their patterns, going no contact, and rebuilding their self-worth. Hypnotherapy might be a tool in that process, but it's not a magic switch. If you're stuck in the cycle of checking their social media, start with how to stop checking social media. The real work is in reclaiming your own mind, one day at a time.

Cost and access

When I first looked into hypnotherapy for limerence, I worried about the cost and whether it was worth it. At Limerence Lab, the Unhook System is $199, the Regression Intensive is $299, and the Unhook Protocol is $999. These are private pay programs because hypnotherapy here is clinical self-help, not medical care, so it is not covered by insurance. I found that starting with a free, confidential consult helped me understand what I was paying for without pressure. You can apply for one to see if it fits your needs.

I also wondered about accessibility since the service is virtual and private across Canada. This means I could do sessions from home, which felt safer than going to an office. The programs are structured, so I knew what to expect instead of an open-ended number of sessions. For me, the clarity on pricing and format reduced the anxiety of trying something new. If you are unsure, taking the quiz can give you a baseline on your limerence before you decide.

Some people ask if hypnotherapy is covered by insurance, but since it is not a regulated health profession in Canada, it typically is not. I had to accept that this was an out-of-pocket investment in my mental well-being. The cost felt manageable compared to the emotional agony I was in, like the constant intrusive thoughts that disrupted my daily life. Knowing the price upfront let me plan without surprises.

I also learned that hypnotherapy is not a quick fix, but the programs are designed to address the root causes of limerence, such as trauma or attachment wounds. This gave me hope that I could finally break the cycle of obsessing over someone not great. The free consult was key to getting my questions answered about what the experience would be like, since I had no idea what to expect from actual sessions.

Who it is a good fit for

I see people come to hypnotherapy when they are exhausted from years of emotional turmoil with no progress. They have tried no contact, therapy, or self-improvement, but the obsessive thoughts keep returning. If you feel like you are at rock bottom after a painful rejection or ghosting, this approach can reach the deeper patterns that talking alone does not shift.

It fits when you recognize the obsession is ruining your life, your career, or your marriage. You might have a moment of clarity where you see the LO's true, unattractive nature, yet you still cannot let go. Hypnotherapy works with the subconscious loops that keep you hooked, even when you logically know the person is not great.

If you are ready to stop interpreting mixed signals as hope and want to break the addiction-like cycle, this is for you. Many of us have felt shame for these feelings, but limerence is not a character flaw. It is an involuntary loop, and hypnotherapy can help you step out of it. Learn more about what limerence actually is and how it differs from love.

You are a good fit if you are willing to look at underlying trauma or attachment wounds without judgment. This is not about blaming yourself. It is about finally feeling free from intrusive thoughts and rebuilding your self-esteem. If you have been considering it as a last resort, take the free, private Limerence Score test to see where you stand.

Who should skip it

Hypnotherapy for limerence isn't a fit for everyone. If you're in a crisis with suicidal thoughts or severe depression, please reach out to a crisis line or therapist first. This work is self-help, not emergency care.

You might want to pause if you're actively in a trauma bond cycle with your LO, still in daily contact, or not ready to let go of the fantasy. Hypnotherapy works best when you're committed to change, not just curious.

If you've never tried basic no contact or haven't explored the root patterns driving your obsession, start there. Our free Limerence Score quiz can help you see where you stand before booking a consult.

Here are a few signals that it's probably not the right time:

The subject vs working with a hypnotherapist

When I tried to stop obsessing on my own, I kept hitting the same wall. I would go no contact, delete apps, and swear I was done, but the intrusive thoughts always crept back. The fantasy felt like a dopamine hit I couldn't quit, and shame made it worse. I was stuck in a loop, and my own willpower wasn't enough to break it.

Working with a hypnotherapist changed the game because it targeted the subconscious patterns driving the obsession. Instead of just fighting thoughts, I learned to reframe the limerence as a symptom of old attachment wounds. The process felt like rewiring my brain, not just managing symptoms. I finally understood why I kept chasing unavailable people.

Hypnotherapy gave me tools to interrupt the spiral in real time. In sessions, we worked on visualizing the LO without the emotional charge, and I practiced self-hypnosis between appointments. It wasn't a magic fix, but it was the first thing that made the obsession feel less like a life sentence. For more on what limerence really is, see what limerence actually is.

If you're exhausted from years of rumination, you don't have to white-knuckle it alone. A hypnotherapist can help you uncover the root cause and build genuine indifference. It's not about erasing memories but about taking back control. You can start with a free, private Limerence Score test to see where you stand.